I don’t know the exact number of my readers that are married nor do I know the exact number of my readers that are single and actively seeking or not seeking a relationship but I’d like to share the top reasons as to why I think I don’t have a boyfriend.
I’m a black 27 year old,divorced, female with no children and I have not been in a committed relationship in 5 years. I guess we can all agree that I may be a tad bit over-do for love . The last relationship I was in was my marriage. Of course I’ve dated but none of those relationships ever formed into anything more than sex or a friendship.
1. I don’t make myself accessible to meet new people!
I don’t go out and it’s hard to meet people from my bedroom or sofa . I’m not a club person and often find that guys in the club aren’t looking for relationships. The most they could be looking for in myopinion is great conversation and entertainment for the night. I wouldn’t mind dating outside my race but If I can’t find where to find men in my own race I damn sure don’t know where to find someone of another. And with the men to women ratio…I don’t want to be one of the girlfriends. I guess its safe to say the men that want to be in relationships… ARE!
2. Not sure If I want one!
I haven’t let myself be open to dating because I believe dating is a courtship that may/maynot lead to engagement and then marriage. No it doesn’t have to be that way but I believe that’s the sole purpose of dating. To find a mate and I’m undecided as to if marriage is something I want to do again. Mostly leaning to the highly unlikely side of the fence. So why waste the poor guys time?
3. Still working on self!
I’ve experienced some financial hardships in the last couple of years while trying to mantain my lifestyle and clean up this wicked credit. I’m attracted to the more educated, well spoken and nicely dressed men that would normally come with higher education and much higher incomes than myself at this age. I don’t believe in coming into a relationship with nothing but personality to offer. I guess you can say I’m a bit intimidated by the men I am attracted to and would prefer to wait until I get my career together before bringing someone else into my life.
4. I’m paranoid!
With the numbers of gay men and “brothers” on the downlow rising over the years I’m paranoid as shit that I may come into contact with one of these guys. And before I walk in the house to find my man back dooring some other guy! I’d rather not date at all . Another thing that make me paranoid is dating a man that comes from a single parent home. I’m not saying that a person that comes from a single parent home is uncapable of establishing a relationship but I did find that by my ex-husbands mother being married 5 times…he lacked the basics as to what a relationship and a marriage was really about because he had a horrible example in his childhood!
5. Past Relationships
I have a guy that I’m still “dealing ” with from a past relationship. Yes I love him dearly but he has some very personal and shallow reasons why he has not committed to a relationship between the both of us. I love him but I really don’t think he is the man I should committ to.
6. My friends
I find that I’d rather hang out with my friends than commit to a night of spooning with a boyfriend on the couch. Honestly I don’t think it’s a preference anymore it had become habit for me. Hanging out with the crew which mostly consisted of men I’m sure would send mixed signals to an admirer from afar.
7. I need to find my sexy!
I’ve always relied on my pretty smile and bubbly personality to reel the guys in. But now that I’m older I’m not as chatty and bubbly as I use to be. Sometime I’m not aware of my surroundings and may fail to smile and flirt. To attract guys .I would definetly need to find my sexy and work it into some crazy flirting regimen (lol)
8. I’m comfortable in my Bubble!
As you can probably imagine it’s easy to get comfortable being single and only having to cater to myself for the last five years. It came to a point where I didn’t have lonely nights anymore but actually prefered having the bed to myself. Hoping that any guy that came over wouldn’t ask to spend the night..(bad I know)!
9. Weight Issues
All the guys in the past years I’ve dated have had an issue with my weight. They never had a problem with the fine cusine I would prepare for them but always an issue with my weight. And honestly I got tired of the B.S. I think that I’m a fairly attractive girl so I don’t know how big the weight issue is when compared to my overall attractivness! I’m not like a beach whale or anything!
10. I’d rather blog!
That’s totally not true although I do love to blog as a past time. I couldn’ t think of anything else for number 10 and really didn’t want to stop at number 9 LOL! But It’s been awhile since I’ve adored and cared for a man! And from what I can remember it’s a pretty good feeling but numbers 1-9 have kept me single for 5 years! I guess by the post I’ve demonstrated some interest is still there in book of Love. (Actually I’d love to go to a speed dating party! If you know of any email me or post event details in the comment section)
How many of you are single and why do you think that is? What tips and advice can you share with me for the reasons I think that I don’t have a boyfriend? I’d love for you to share!
Sincerely,
Go
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I love this Ash! You totally get why I dont have a bf! All those issues, is why! Glad I am not alone…
@Stefanie just know that whatever you are dealing with a thousand other people probably are too…you should have seen what happened when I googled “ass acne” not as uncommon as I thought lmao!
@Kristin…right love is a growing pain and I don’t know If I really want to experience that or even work that hard towards something…a guy posted on FB ” peoples say that cars are our worst investments but I say relationships are” I agree to a certain degree.
@Rashan…I know what you mean…yeah I think I’ve gotten comfortable being alone and not interested in dealing with anyone’s else’s tricks and games…but i mean what woman (that likes men of course) doesn’t want to be in the arms of one every now and then?
Ash I have not lived the single life for almost nine years now but I can tell you have a lot to offer to someone. Love is a growing pain. It shouldn’t be to difficult but when you committ to someone you will have bumps and hiccups push through that wall. The biggest piece of advice I can give you is put yourself out there someone will bite.
I love this! At least you are very aware of the reasons why and don’t feel you have to have a man to define or validate you. I do believe when the right one comes along your weight won’t be an issue either. Now if you want to lose the weight for you that’s another story, but don’t do it for a man. Like you said…they weren’t complaining when you were whipping up those fine meals.
This post has made me think about some things..I’ve been single a while too and can relate to almost all of this.
Although I am more than ready for love at this point, in the meantime, I just continue to work on self so when that guy comes along, I’ll be ready with even more to offer. Because I’m picky, I realize that I have to be all the things I’m looking for, or at least most. However I realize there is compromise in anything.
Thanks for stopping by Ginae and I like you can be very picky from teeth to fingernails when it comes to dating but yep we are pretty much in the same boat working on self and waiting on the right guy to come along before settling for nothing! Good comment and thanks again for sharing!
Umm, I think you have more than enough reasons.. when I was single (not that I’m married now, but you know what I mean) I was single b/c I get bored with people easily. If the conversation didn’t keep me interested, there was no moving towards the next step. Also, I liked not having to consider anyone else. I could do what I wanted when i wanted…
Oh and I kept meeting married women, or crazy women, or crazy, married women. That was a problem. LOL
Weight shouldn’t be an issue if one feels something for the other party.
I’m single and I think it’s because either the guys weren’t right for me or I wasn’t right for them. I truly feel like I bring just as much to the table as I expect/require from a potential mate, the only problem is that me and Mr. compatible haven’t had the pleasure of meeting each other as yet.
As for you, based off this post and some previous posts, it sounds like you are in a transitional growing phase in your life. I know we are all always growing, but this appears to be deliberate, thought out growth, which I think is phenominal! When you are truyly ready for the guy, I’m certain you’ll have no problems meeting him!
Thank you for stopping by and giving me some love. I really need and appreciate it.
You are the freakin bomb!!!! I only have your old work email, so email me. THANK YOU SO MUCH
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OMG! I can totally relate to every single issue you have, minus the no kids part. Don’t know why, but this post made me feel a little more human knowing that I am not the only one.
I absolutely love this article. You hit the nail right on the head. I think that not only do most women these days not want to be in a committed relationship, but they just don’t have lots of energy required to nurture and protect that bond. Relationships are like a second job. If you are not all there, something is bound to go wrong. Not only that, but it seems to me that women are so tired of the gay, jailed, dead, uneducated, non-working men that try to hit on them each day that they are succumbing to just being by themselves. It’s today’s world!!
Outspoken women tend not to have boyfriends… I’d rather be single for the rest of my life than to not speak my mind…